I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
