So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
