I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
