Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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