You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize
