Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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