im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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