The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
