I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
