Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
