He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
