yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize