Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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