I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
