The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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