So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
