It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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