i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the room spins SO much faster in panama
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
