i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
