So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
