my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize