I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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