Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You made out with two different species that night
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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