Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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