It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
