I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
