Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
did i just pee glitter
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
