ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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