he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
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