went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
