I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
