shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
