we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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