i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
