At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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