i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
