my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
