i permit you to call me
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
