i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
When are your genitals available?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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