She just used a chaser for red wine.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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