I puked a lego.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize