Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Randomize