Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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