Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize