I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
