uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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