I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
