This dress was meant to end up on your floor
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Randomize
