The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
