Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize