R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
