Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
