Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
