Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
