and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
not ubering you a puppy
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
