Whats the glycemic index on semen?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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