How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
