Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
