Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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