i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
