Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
