that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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