Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
