do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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