Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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