How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Come see our sink grown plant.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
