Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize