i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
