her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
