I will die if light touches me.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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