if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just cropdusted the office
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
