Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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