You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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