Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
